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Category Archives: Humor

My Out Of Office Auto-Responder

Well, this is a disappointment. You dispatch an email to me only to have a response im-frickin-mediately — Holy cats! That. Was. Fast!! Then you realize it’s just a dumb auto-responder. Nothing remotely personal about it. The bitter truth rises … Read More »

‘If It’s Empty, Fill It’… and 10 Other Rules for Living Companionably with Teenagers, Kids and the Generally Clueless

I created this slide show a while ago, after a particularly interesting challenging irritatingly irritating few days when I felt like I was the only one in my household who recognized stuff that needed doing. And the only one who … Read More »

Same-Sex Discount

We are standing in line at Westminster Abbey, waiting to pay the admission fee. Up ahead, the cashier is housed behind glass in the entry vestibule, which is a small area with a cold, stone floor. It’s chilly and damp … Read More »

How to Feed a Fussy Little Dog: Chile’s List of Requirements

1. Preference to remain someplace safe — lurking in the shadows, under a bed — while the other dogs (“idiots”) chaotically dance around and drool at the ping of kibble hitting the bowl. Rationale: You can get stepped on, drooled … Read More »

Toy Story 3: ‘Contains Mild Thematic Elements Not Appropriate for Older Viewers’

Dear Motion Picture Association of America: I’m freshly back from the theater after seeing Toy Story 3, which prompts me to ask: A G-rating? Seriously? I haven’t been this disturbed since the Turkish prison scenes in Midnight Express (which was … Read More »

Annecdote: Tea Time

It’s alarming to talk with someone on the phone and realize they suspect you are a liar. This past week I received, via FTD, a belated birthday package—a gourmet basket with some of my favorite things. Like tea, biscotti, and … Read More »

Now a Mini Motion Picture: ‘Gigi Spies a Green Tomato’

My childhood friend Ron Ploof was so inspired by the pathos of Gigi’s story that he adapted it to the small screen. I think he did a fine job with it, and I particularly like the tweak of the ending. … Read More »

Gigi Spies a Green Tomato: A Tragicomedy in Five Parts

The stage: A small wooden deck with sturdy balusters, overlooking a vegetable garden in late season. Enter main character: Gigi, a 6-year-old Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. It’s clear from her saunter that Gigi is unhurried and uncomplicated, and her portly … Read More »

Awkward Family Photos

As I sometimes reveal here, there is something universal about the awkwardness of family. About a week ago, two childhood friends launched a site to document as much. The results — in the vein of LOLCats and Stuff White People … Read More »

Painting A Picture

Since I make my living attempting to make my words paint a picture—or at least a good doodle—I don’t usually subscribe to the hooey about a picture being worth a thousand words. Not everybody feels this way, of course. Napoleon … Read More »

I Can Haz Hoomin Hart-aik

Maybe it’s because the onset of the holidays always puts me in something of a melancholy mood, or maybe because I’m again staring down the barrel of six bleak months of winter, but I can’t help but read lolcats these … Read More »

Punked

When the flight attendant advises that passengers place the oxygen mask over their own faces before assisting those traveling with them, I always interpret this imperative more broadly—that I should take care of my own needs first, whether or not … Read More »


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