Sometimes when I’m bored and have neglected to tote some reading material—like when I’m standing in line at the supermarket, or waiting for a movie to begin—I indulge in a debate I have with myself: Which do I dislike more: a visit to the dentist, or a visit to the gynecologist?
Both require me to grant access to the dark and private parts of my body that I’d rather keep classified—at least, to all but a privileged few. You might think that men can’t grok that dilemma, but my friend David suggests that the equivalent procedure for men would be a prostate exam. I’ve never had one, but—although I don’t like to—I can imagine.
I admit that I don’t like the physical exposure, the act of opening wide for strangers. Intellectually, I know there’s nothing truly intimate going on. But, still, it feels weird.
What’s more: I dread the way that the folks trained to do business there seem to regard those nooks as a kind of porthole to my life. They read them in the way a palm reader studies your upturned hand. “So you drink coffee,” my dentist might say, using his sharp pick to muck the crannies between my teeth.
Some days, I persuade myself that I dislike visiting my dentist more. Maybe it’s because those visits take longer, and I go twice as often. Or maybe it’s because dentists seem to have impossibly high standards for oral hygiene. I can spend hours working over my teeth, investing in all kinds of creams and polishes, but still I could be scrubbing harder, brushing longer, flossing more deeply beneath the gum line.
If you try to follow their advice to the letter, you are doomed to screw it up, it seems. It reminds me of a college copyediting class that tried to school us in the arcane, but exacting, rules of grammar. Unfortunately, I was always placing a colon in a sentence that demanded a semi-colon, or italicizing a bit of text that required underlining, or getting confused about whether a subordinate clause should be separated by commas or left flailing, on its own, desperately seeking its modifier. There is little nuance to copyediting—and I found it maddening and exasperating. In copyediting—and in dentistry, apparently—there is a right way, or a wrong way, but never a way that’s simply “good enough.”
“You are brushing too hard,” my dentist told me the last time I was lying supine in his exam room. “You need to find a softer brush… and try brushing in small circles. Not like this…” he said, sawing aggressively in the air as if hacking at a particularly stubborn oak limb, “…but like this,” he explained, drawing tight, small circles in front of my nose, gripping a pretend toothbrush with long, deliberate fingers.
During that visit, I was taken aback when he handed me a hand mirror and then, with a gloved hand, exposed the soft tissue beneath my bottom teeth to point out a few vulnerable spots at my gum line. I nodded mutely, the taste of latex in my mouth. And I couldn’t help but think that this particular maneuver—training a mirror on the more tender bits of the cavity—was something that my gynecologist had never, ever done.
If this were truly a debate, I decide, that would be the closing argument, and perhaps the clincher.
My debate has always been a private one. But since my annual exam at the gynecologist was coming up, I wondered how my gynecologist, who is a woman, would weigh in. So when she walked into the small examination room where I was waiting, half undressed, the other day, I steered the conversation in that direction. The doctor is about my age, and as we talked she tapped at icons on my digital chart with a stylus.
“You know who has a really weird job?” she asked, suddenly looking up. “Mammographers.” All day they lurk in small, dark rooms, painfully manipulating breasts into awkward positions, and then photographing them as they’re flattened. “One after another, all day long. Can you imagine?” she said.
I couldn’t. But then again, I said, I couldn’t imagine her job, either… one after another, all day long.
I mentioned my dentist-versus-gynecologist debate, and she said matter-of-factly, “Oh yes, I hear that all the time.” Some of the tools that dentists and gynecologists use are the same, in fact, she pointed out. The instrument that a dentist uses to numb someone’s gum is the same instrument she uses to numb a cervix, she said, and often the mix of anesthetic is the same, too. Once, she said, when she couldn’t find her own tools, she borrowed them from a nearby dentist.
That raised all kinds of questions in my mind, but I didn’t ask them. I was too busy being amazed that her other patients had made the same comparison. It’s nice to hit a nerve, I guess, but I liked the idea more when I thought it was original and completely mine. It reminded me of when I was 13 and wrote a long, narrative poem about the heroic struggles of a tiny family that lived under a mushroom. I thought I had invented the concept of the epic poem. But then I got to 9th grade and read Beowulf. Suddenly, both my story and I were stupid, small, and ordinary.
I never did get an answer out of my doctor, so I don’t know where she would come down in the dentist-versus-gynecologist debate. But an ongoing poll I stumbled on at fitsugar says most women would rather go to the dentist (57 percent) than the gynecologist (43 percent).
In a way, I pity both the dentists and the gynecologists among us, and maybe now mammographers and proctologists, too. I wonder how they drag themselves out of bed each morning, having invested so much time and money in a career that sets them off each day to meet one-on-one with people who wish they were anyplace other than sitting, exposed, in their exam rooms.
In my mind, a dentist or gynecologist is like a tax preparer or divorce attorney—they are professionals no one ever really wants to hire, but sometimes must. But maybe dentists and gynecologists are more like garbage men: When we imagine our world without them, we are very, very grateful they exist.
So where does your preference lie in this debate? The dentist’s chair or the gynecologist’s/proctologist’s table?
Find more like this: Humor, Politics & Society, Women , copyediting, dentist, doctors, gynecologist, intimacy, poetry, privacy, proctologist, Women
Um, none of the above?
OK, OK, I’d pick the dentist…
Um, none of the above?
OK, OK, I’d pick the dentist…
I agree… dentists are so judgemental!
I agree… dentists are so judgemental!
Awkward. Too much information. I’m going to watch Sports Center now, if that’s ok. Thank you.
Awkward. Too much information. I’m going to watch Sports Center now, if that’s ok. Thank you.
I’m having a colonoscopy and endoscopy on Monday – I’d rather be going to the dentist or the gynecologist! Or both!
I’m having a colonoscopy and endoscopy on Monday – I’d rather be going to the dentist or the gynecologist! Or both!
Ann, this post really has teeth to it! You’re so incisive and full of wisdom, and it’s clear that you’ve chewed on this idea for quite some time. Drilling down into your final query, I’m not sure my mind is filling with any answers, but probably 9 out of 10 dentists would have it!
Ann, this post really has teeth to it! You’re so incisive and full of wisdom, and it’s clear that you’ve chewed on this idea for quite some time. Drilling down into your final query, I’m not sure my mind is filling with any answers, but probably 9 out of 10 dentists would have it!
Ann,
I have commented on just about every post here since I found out about you, and your amazing writing talent.
That was a girli post.
There. I have commented.
End.
Joel Libava
{Thank you for sneaking me in on your sidebar. You have lots of class.
We must meet at one of these Social Media events, one day.}
Ann,
I have commented on just about every post here since I found out about you, and your amazing writing talent.
That was a girli post.
There. I have commented.
End.
Joel Libava
{Thank you for sneaking me in on your sidebar. You have lots of class.
We must meet at one of these Social Media events, one day.}
Given that I’ve been dreading the root canal I’m scheduled to have on Monday, I’d say I’d much rather go to my OB/GYN. So far never any pain involved, and I only have to go there once a year.
Given that I’ve been dreading the root canal I’m scheduled to have on Monday, I’d say I’d much rather go to my OB/GYN. So far never any pain involved, and I only have to go there once a year.
This is a difficult question, for which a consultative solution may not suffice.
For one, the metrics around pain threshold manifestations from visits to each type of licensed healthcare provider are lacking, and certainly no head to head benchmarking studies have ever been implemented by self-proclaimed movers and shakers – nay – gurus – in the healthcare industry.
And even if there WERE acceptable metrics demonstrating returns on pain between both groups, who dare suggest that the quantity of pain experienced by one individual is less than the quality of fear experienced by another?
I defer my ignorance to Blue Spoon, who probably has a white paper on this very matter.
This is a difficult question, for which a consultative solution may not suffice.
For one, the metrics around pain threshold manifestations from visits to each type of licensed healthcare provider are lacking, and certainly no head to head benchmarking studies have ever been implemented by self-proclaimed movers and shakers – nay – gurus – in the healthcare industry.
And even if there WERE acceptable metrics demonstrating returns on pain between both groups, who dare suggest that the quantity of pain experienced by one individual is less than the quality of fear experienced by another?
I defer my ignorance to Blue Spoon, who probably has a white paper on this very matter.
I actually enjoy going to my dentist, I mean who wouldn’t enjoy going to a ‘dental spa’? They put your hands in paraffin wax prior to sitting in the chair, once you get into the chair they put a mask over your eyes during the cleaning and after everything they give you a five minute facial massage to make sure you leave without a sore jaw. Hmmm, when’s my next appointment again?!
I actually enjoy going to my dentist, I mean who wouldn’t enjoy going to a ‘dental spa’? They put your hands in paraffin wax prior to sitting in the chair, once you get into the chair they put a mask over your eyes during the cleaning and after everything they give you a five minute facial massage to make sure you leave without a sore jaw. Hmmm, when’s my next appointment again?!
Ann,
I’m not sure where I fall on the topic in question, but I want to state that you are the only person I know who could get so many men to comment on such a post!
Ann,
I’m not sure where I fall on the topic in question, but I want to state that you are the only person I know who could get so many men to comment on such a post!
Fortunately, i have had great luck with wonderful dentists, but i always lie when they ask me about flossing. I think that must be one of the number #1 reason people avoid the dentist…the flossing question. So personal. I put my son through all sorts of dental hoops before taking him to the dentist—after all what mom wants to admit she does not stay on top of hers kids flossing? Not me. The truth is overrated.
I have not found the right gynecologist and i just don’t think I ever will but as I get older, bolder, and less reverent it is more fun.
First choice? Dentist. Its warmer.
Fortunately, i have had great luck with wonderful dentists, but i always lie when they ask me about flossing. I think that must be one of the number #1 reason people avoid the dentist…the flossing question. So personal. I put my son through all sorts of dental hoops before taking him to the dentist—after all what mom wants to admit she does not stay on top of hers kids flossing? Not me. The truth is overrated.
I have not found the right gynecologist and i just don’t think I ever will but as I get older, bolder, and less reverent it is more fun.
First choice? Dentist. Its warmer.
Ooh, diggin’ the epic poem comparison. I felt that way when, as a kid, I realized I hadn’t invented the concept of a “Marsian.”
Off-topic: did you know there is a teeny little smiley face at the very bottom of your page, just beneath the copyright symbol? Did you do that purposely?
Back on-topic: I used to like the dentist more, because I’ve had a run of mildly awkward gynecologists. (I’m always thinking, “What they’re doing here is exactly what a molester does, except they’re telling me they’re checking for uterine irregularities, not Donald Duck.”) But now I have a dentist who thinks that when my gums bleed heavily, it means I’m on my period. And he’ll shout it across to the hygienist while admonishing her “Not to worry.” So it’s almost like suffering a bad dental and gynecological appointment at the same time.
Ooh, diggin’ the epic poem comparison. I felt that way when, as a kid, I realized I hadn’t invented the concept of a “Marsian.”
Off-topic: did you know there is a teeny little smiley face at the very bottom of your page, just beneath the copyright symbol? Did you do that purposely?
Back on-topic: I used to like the dentist more, because I’ve had a run of mildly awkward gynecologists. (I’m always thinking, “What they’re doing here is exactly what a molester does, except they’re telling me they’re checking for uterine irregularities, not Donald Duck.”) But now I have a dentist who thinks that when my gums bleed heavily, it means I’m on my period. And he’ll shout it across to the hygienist while admonishing her “Not to worry.” So it’s almost like suffering a bad dental and gynecological appointment at the same time.
Well, darn, Ann. I thought comparing the dentist and the ob-gyn was my idea! And, I still can’t decide – I think it depends upon which appointment I’m dreading next. If it’s a dentist appointment, I’d rather be heading to the ob-gyn. If it’s the ob-gyn, I’d rather be heading to the dentist.
Well, darn, Ann. I thought comparing the dentist and the ob-gyn was my idea! And, I still can’t decide – I think it depends upon which appointment I’m dreading next. If it’s a dentist appointment, I’d rather be heading to the ob-gyn. If it’s the ob-gyn, I’d rather be heading to the dentist.
Ann,
I discovered your beautiful blog pretty recently and I’m glad to see so much humanity, deep thoughts coupled with humour and “lightness”.
For this one, I think that the underlying debate is about how and when you want to give access to your “true” inside. But well thought I don’t think that dentists and gynecologists know the truth of the world! So even if they have the power to make you “open” for them, and that’s why I think it is difficult to say which one we dislike less, they touch only like a superficial intimate.
So, let’s relax and give to see what we decide to in .. blogs, for example!
Ann,
I discovered your beautiful blog pretty recently and I’m glad to see so much humanity, deep thoughts coupled with humour and “lightness”.
For this one, I think that the underlying debate is about how and when you want to give access to your “true” inside. But well thought I don’t think that dentists and gynecologists know the truth of the world! So even if they have the power to make you “open” for them, and that’s why I think it is difficult to say which one we dislike less, they touch only like a superficial intimate.
So, let’s relax and give to see what we decide to in .. blogs, for example!
LOL! This is the reason I am always excited to see your new posts in my feed reader! You know how to tell a story, to suss out the humane and make readers feel a part of it. Hands down, I prefer the dentist! In fact I don’t mind the dentist at all. The gynecologist and the mammographer do have two of the toughest jobs. Not to mention all the anxiety after visiting them. When you visit the dentist it’s over and done, no bad news, no need to worry.
LOL! This is the reason I am always excited to see your new posts in my feed reader! You know how to tell a story, to suss out the humane and make readers feel a part of it. Hands down, I prefer the dentist! In fact I don’t mind the dentist at all. The gynecologist and the mammographer do have two of the toughest jobs. Not to mention all the anxiety after visiting them. When you visit the dentist it’s over and done, no bad news, no need to worry.
My grandfather was a dentist, a very good one, who took care of my teeth until he retired when I was 12. That’s when I discovered how aggressively preachy dentists could seem. It came as a shock.
Intellectually, I know they’ve only got a few chances a year to make their point, and they’re sick of treating patients who ignore their advice. But what they’re actually doing is aggravating the cycle by laying it on too thick.
Now I can sit down in the chair thinking, “Well, at least I’m not at the gynecologist.” Thanks for that.
My grandfather was a dentist, a very good one, who took care of my teeth until he retired when I was 12. That’s when I discovered how aggressively preachy dentists could seem. It came as a shock.
Intellectually, I know they’ve only got a few chances a year to make their point, and they’re sick of treating patients who ignore their advice. But what they’re actually doing is aggravating the cycle by laying it on too thick.
Now I can sit down in the chair thinking, “Well, at least I’m not at the gynecologist.” Thanks for that.
If I have a car that I never drive, would I take it to a mechanic for annual engine checks? No.
That’s why it’s been way, way too long since I’ve been to an ob/gyn. Thanks, Ann, for making me look forward to next week’s appointment…
If I have a car that I never drive, would I take it to a mechanic for annual engine checks? No.
That’s why it’s been way, way too long since I’ve been to an ob/gyn. Thanks, Ann, for making me look forward to next week’s appointment…
What Zane said. And the first part of what Karen Swim said.
[scurrying away, trying not to blush]
What Zane said. And the first part of what Karen Swim said.
[scurrying away, trying not to blush]
The shame factor is so much higher at the dentists office. Somehow they are able to take the basically impossible task of sanitizing a seething cauldron of bacteria and make it into some kind of ontological lack. Whereas I have never had a gynecologist say: if you don’t do something drastic, you are going to lose that ovary. Ovaries do occasionally have to come out, but it’s not because you weren’t buffing and polishing them.
So, how do we treat the after effects of these discomfort-fests? Chocolate and benzodiazapines? Loud movies where many men die? Complete immersion in a Thursday Next novel?
The shame factor is so much higher at the dentists office. Somehow they are able to take the basically impossible task of sanitizing a seething cauldron of bacteria and make it into some kind of ontological lack. Whereas I have never had a gynecologist say: if you don’t do something drastic, you are going to lose that ovary. Ovaries do occasionally have to come out, but it’s not because you weren’t buffing and polishing them.
So, how do we treat the after effects of these discomfort-fests? Chocolate and benzodiazapines? Loud movies where many men die? Complete immersion in a Thursday Next novel?
I prefer the dermatologist….oh wait…that wasn’t one of the choices.
I prefer the dermatologist….oh wait…that wasn’t one of the choices.
So many of these comments made me laugh out loud… ! Thank god. Because for some reason I felt weirdly insecure about this post. I thought it might be too crude, or too oddball, or whatever. It was nice to read responses and just… well, lighten up.
And by the way, I think Christian offers the ultimate male response when he says…. “Now I can sit down in the chair thinking, ‘Well, at least I’m not at the gynecologist.’ Thanks for that.” Coffee sputtered out of my nose at that one….
So many of these comments made me laugh out loud… ! Thank god. Because for some reason I felt weirdly insecure about this post. I thought it might be too crude, or too oddball, or whatever. It was nice to read responses and just… well, lighten up.
And by the way, I think Christian offers the ultimate male response when he says…. “Now I can sit down in the chair thinking, ‘Well, at least I’m not at the gynecologist.’ Thanks for that.” Coffee sputtered out of my nose at that one….
From Mellissa, above: “So, how do we treat the after effects of these discomfort-fests? Loud movies where many men die?”
Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha – *choke* *gasp* (falls to the floor)
From Mellissa, above: “So, how do we treat the after effects of these discomfort-fests? Loud movies where many men die?”
Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha – *choke* *gasp* (falls to the floor)
I like my dentist. I asked him one day what motivated him to become a dentist because I always wondered if he knew he wanted to be a dentist since he was 7.
Not the case. He fell into it.
Fell into it? Yeah, the man said he was looking for security and after his research decided being a dentist was his best bet. Not really falling into it, but I let that go. His other choice was a mortician.
I like my dentist. I asked him one day what motivated him to become a dentist because I always wondered if he knew he wanted to be a dentist since he was 7.
Not the case. He fell into it.
Fell into it? Yeah, the man said he was looking for security and after his research decided being a dentist was his best bet. Not really falling into it, but I let that go. His other choice was a mortician.
Ann,
I think I had coffee sputtering out of my nose about 10 times when I read your post and everyone’s comments! How funny!
I have permanent bars on the back of my teeth after wearing braces 3 times in my life – I said that’s it. Put the bars on. I get so much s**t, EVERY time I go to the dentist for having them. Oh honey, these bars, they are not really great for flossing and your teeth. Oh honey, I understand why you want them but they make it tough. I go an extra time a year for my cleanings because I have these bars. SHUT UP and JUST CLEAN my teeth for heaven’s sake. The bars aren’t going anywhere! DAMN!
The gynecologist, not fun, but normally over in a matter of short minutes. Not my ideal way of spending my day. But, no lectures.
I vote oddly for the gynecologist visit. I cant’ believe I just said that. But after much thought and consideration – yes, that’s the way I’m voting.
Ann,
I think I had coffee sputtering out of my nose about 10 times when I read your post and everyone’s comments! How funny!
I have permanent bars on the back of my teeth after wearing braces 3 times in my life – I said that’s it. Put the bars on. I get so much s**t, EVERY time I go to the dentist for having them. Oh honey, these bars, they are not really great for flossing and your teeth. Oh honey, I understand why you want them but they make it tough. I go an extra time a year for my cleanings because I have these bars. SHUT UP and JUST CLEAN my teeth for heaven’s sake. The bars aren’t going anywhere! DAMN!
The gynecologist, not fun, but normally over in a matter of short minutes. Not my ideal way of spending my day. But, no lectures.
I vote oddly for the gynecologist visit. I cant’ believe I just said that. But after much thought and consideration – yes, that’s the way I’m voting.
I dislike all things gastro-gynecological for sure, but the dentist is the one who always makes you feel bad for not living up to their expectations. In that way, you could say that visiting the dentist is a bit like visiting your folks.
But the most space-invading doctor is definitely the shrink!
I dislike all things gastro-gynecological for sure, but the dentist is the one who always makes you feel bad for not living up to their expectations. In that way, you could say that visiting the dentist is a bit like visiting your folks.
But the most space-invading doctor is definitely the shrink!