Sometimes when I’m bored and have neglected to tote some reading material—like when I’m standing in line at the supermarket, or waiting for a movie to begin—I indulge in a debate I have with myself: Which do I dislike more: a visit to the dentist, or a visit to the gynecologist?
Both require me to grant access to the dark and private parts of my body that I’d rather keep classified—at least, to all but a privileged few. You might think that men can’t grok that dilemma, but my friend David suggests that the equivalent procedure for men would be a prostate exam. I’ve never had one, but—although I don’t like to—I can imagine.
I admit that I don’t like the physical exposure, the act of opening wide for strangers. Intellectually, I know there’s nothing truly intimate going on. But, still, it feels weird.
What’s more: I dread the way that the folks trained to do business there seem to regard those nooks as a kind of porthole to my life. They read them in the way a palm reader studies your upturned hand. “So you drink coffee,” my dentist might say, using his sharp pick to muck the crannies between my teeth.
Some days, I persuade myself that I dislike visiting my dentist more. Maybe it’s because those visits take longer, and I go twice as often. Or maybe it’s because dentists seem to have impossibly high standards for oral hygiene. I can spend hours working over my teeth, investing in all kinds of creams and polishes, but still I could be scrubbing harder, brushing longer, flossing more deeply beneath the gum line.
If you try to follow their advice to the letter, you are doomed to screw it up, it seems. It reminds me of a college copyediting class that tried to school us in the arcane, but exacting, rules of grammar. Unfortunately, I was always placing a colon in a sentence that demanded a semi-colon, or italicizing a bit of text that required underlining, or getting confused about whether a subordinate clause should be separated by commas or left flailing, on its own, desperately seeking its modifier. There is little nuance to copyediting—and I found it maddening and exasperating. In copyediting—and in dentistry, apparently—there is a right way, or a wrong way, but never a way that’s simply “good enough.”
“You are brushing too hard,” my dentist told me the last time I was lying supine in his exam room. “You need to find a softer brush… and try brushing in small circles. Not like this…” he said, sawing aggressively in the air as if hacking at a particularly stubborn oak limb, “…but like this,” he explained, drawing tight, small circles in front of my nose, gripping a pretend toothbrush with long, deliberate fingers.
During that visit, I was taken aback when he handed me a hand mirror and then, with a gloved hand, exposed the soft tissue beneath my bottom teeth to point out a few vulnerable spots at my gum line. I nodded mutely, the taste of latex in my mouth. And I couldn’t help but think that this particular maneuver—training a mirror on the more tender bits of the cavity—was something that my gynecologist had never, ever done.
If this were truly a debate, I decide, that would be the closing argument, and perhaps the clincher.
My debate has always been a private one. But since my annual exam at the gynecologist was coming up, I wondered how my gynecologist, who is a woman, would weigh in. So when she walked into the small examination room where I was waiting, half undressed, the other day, I steered the conversation in that direction. The doctor is about my age, and as we talked she tapped at icons on my digital chart with a stylus.
“You know who has a really weird job?” she asked, suddenly looking up. “Mammographers.” All day they lurk in small, dark rooms, painfully manipulating breasts into awkward positions, and then photographing them as they’re flattened. “One after another, all day long. Can you imagine?” she said.
I couldn’t. But then again, I said, I couldn’t imagine her job, either… one after another, all day long.
I mentioned my dentist-versus-gynecologist debate, and she said matter-of-factly, “Oh yes, I hear that all the time.” Some of the tools that dentists and gynecologists use are the same, in fact, she pointed out. The instrument that a dentist uses to numb someone’s gum is the same instrument she uses to numb a cervix, she said, and often the mix of anesthetic is the same, too. Once, she said, when she couldn’t find her own tools, she borrowed them from a nearby dentist.
That raised all kinds of questions in my mind, but I didn’t ask them. I was too busy being amazed that her other patients had made the same comparison. It’s nice to hit a nerve, I guess, but I liked the idea more when I thought it was original and completely mine. It reminded me of when I was 13 and wrote a long, narrative poem about the heroic struggles of a tiny family that lived under a mushroom. I thought I had invented the concept of the epic poem. But then I got to 9th grade and read Beowulf. Suddenly, both my story and I were stupid, small, and ordinary.
I never did get an answer out of my doctor, so I don’t know where she would come down in the dentist-versus-gynecologist debate. But an ongoing poll I stumbled on at fitsugar says most women would rather go to the dentist (57 percent) than the gynecologist (43 percent).
In a way, I pity both the dentists and the gynecologists among us, and maybe now mammographers and proctologists, too. I wonder how they drag themselves out of bed each morning, having invested so much time and money in a career that sets them off each day to meet one-on-one with people who wish they were anyplace other than sitting, exposed, in their exam rooms.
In my mind, a dentist or gynecologist is like a tax preparer or divorce attorney—they are professionals no one ever really wants to hire, but sometimes must. But maybe dentists and gynecologists are more like garbage men: When we imagine our world without them, we are very, very grateful they exist.
So where does your preference lie in this debate? The dentist’s chair or the gynecologist’s/proctologist’s table?
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A debate my friends and I have had for many years with no final decision. But I am curious why men are so skittish about the topic even as they generously comment on your post. I get it, girl-stuff, but what’s REALLY going on with the profound discomfort? I’m truly curious.
Is it their primal urge to help women colliding with a deep layer of collective unnamed masculine guilt?
Men…wanna shed some light on this examination?
A debate my friends and I have had for many years with no final decision. But I am curious why men are so skittish about the topic even as they generously comment on your post. I get it, girl-stuff, but what’s REALLY going on with the profound discomfort? I’m truly curious.
Is it their primal urge to help women colliding with a deep layer of collective unnamed masculine guilt?
Men…wanna shed some light on this examination?
The gynecologist, no question. They don’t speak to you as if you were six years old. Dentists out there, take note! Your reputations are at stake.
The gynecologist, no question. They don’t speak to you as if you were six years old. Dentists out there, take note! Your reputations are at stake.
Obviously, I am not in a position to answer your question, but reading your blog made me google dentists and suicide rate. I found this somewhat interesting post at http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2301/do-dentists-have-the-highest-suicide-rate
No one likes going to the dentist, but even more would we dislike and suffer if we didn’t have good ones. A dentist I know personally told me that I was one of the few patients she ever had who keeps his eyes open throughout the procedures. It’s true that I like to try and keep track of what’s going on and keeping my eyes open keeps me engaged even while I am trying to dis-associate from the pain.
I have liked them a lot less since they started demanding payment at time of service instead of trusting us to pay the bill.
Obviously, I am not in a position to answer your question, but reading your blog made me google dentists and suicide rate. I found this somewhat interesting post at http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2301/do-dentists-have-the-highest-suicide-rate
No one likes going to the dentist, but even more would we dislike and suffer if we didn’t have good ones. A dentist I know personally told me that I was one of the few patients she ever had who keeps his eyes open throughout the procedures. It’s true that I like to try and keep track of what’s going on and keeping my eyes open keeps me engaged even while I am trying to dis-associate from the pain.
I have liked them a lot less since they started demanding payment at time of service instead of trusting us to pay the bill.
I prefer the gyno because she is really kind and caring, plus she brings babies into the world.
The dentist is always telling me I brush too hard also. What? I tried so hard to take care of my teeth that I wore off my gums! Why didn’t they give tooth brush lessons in school and warn us of the danger of over-brushing? Safe sex but not safe brushing? Soft bristles!
I prefer the gyno because she is really kind and caring, plus she brings babies into the world.
The dentist is always telling me I brush too hard also. What? I tried so hard to take care of my teeth that I wore off my gums! Why didn’t they give tooth brush lessons in school and warn us of the danger of over-brushing? Safe sex but not safe brushing? Soft bristles!
Dentist. At least I can kind of see what’s going on–and in–during a dental cleaning.
Dentist. At least I can kind of see what’s going on–and in–during a dental cleaning.
I made the mistake of going to a dentist who is now part of our social circle. Embarrassing. They can see the whole history of your life right there. I told my husband, “He’s been in my mouth.” He didn’t like that joke. But the dentist has the most gentle hygientist — it’s like a tooth massage. Cleaning is painless and she compliments my lack of tartar and flossing. I never floss. She told me that hereditary plays a big part in how your teeth hold up. Thanks Grandma.
I made the mistake of going to a dentist who is now part of our social circle. Embarrassing. They can see the whole history of your life right there. I told my husband, “He’s been in my mouth.” He didn’t like that joke. But the dentist has the most gentle hygientist — it’s like a tooth massage. Cleaning is painless and she compliments my lack of tartar and flossing. I never floss. She told me that hereditary plays a big part in how your teeth hold up. Thanks Grandma.
My preference is the dentist. The only negative is that my health plan doesn’t have dental coverage, so it costs. I’m in the midst of some dental work that’s going to cost around $2,000, all out of my pocket.
Visits to the urologist, which I hate despite the fact that I like the doctor just to chat with about non-urology stuff, cost only a $20 co-pay.
Ah, the joys of our health care system.
My preference is the dentist. The only negative is that my health plan doesn’t have dental coverage, so it costs. I’m in the midst of some dental work that’s going to cost around $2,000, all out of my pocket.
Visits to the urologist, which I hate despite the fact that I like the doctor just to chat with about non-urology stuff, cost only a $20 co-pay.
Ah, the joys of our health care system.
Here’s what I love about blog feedback: Claudia’s comment above made me think about “exposure” generally.
When she says…
“For this one, I think that the underlying debate is about how and when you want to give access to your ‘true’ inside. But well thought I don’t think that dentists and gynecologists know the truth of the world! So even if they have the power to make you ‘open’ for them, and that’s why I think it is difficult to say which one we dislike less, they touch only like a superficial intimate.”
.. she raises a key point. The truth is that I’m way more exposed on this blog than I am in any exam room. And that’s probably true of a lot of us who write personal blogs. Thanks Claudia, for furthering my thinking!
Here’s what I love about blog feedback: Claudia’s comment above made me think about “exposure” generally.
When she says…
“For this one, I think that the underlying debate is about how and when you want to give access to your ‘true’ inside. But well thought I don’t think that dentists and gynecologists know the truth of the world! So even if they have the power to make you ‘open’ for them, and that’s why I think it is difficult to say which one we dislike less, they touch only like a superficial intimate.”
.. she raises a key point. The truth is that I’m way more exposed on this blog than I am in any exam room. And that’s probably true of a lot of us who write personal blogs. Thanks Claudia, for furthering my thinking!
HAHAHA! The fun/ny things we do out of boredom. Although, I might have to agree with a previous comment… it may be best if we (the public) don’t know what people are cognitively wondering into while we are sitting bored together.
Desarae
http://www.dveit.com
HAHAHA! The fun/ny things we do out of boredom. Although, I might have to agree with a previous comment… it may be best if we (the public) don’t know what people are cognitively wondering into while we are sitting bored together.
Desarae
http://www.dveit.com
Surprising but true. I have to say I dislike the dentist much more than I dislike my visits to the gynecologist. I’ve just had so much trouble with my teeth for the past 20+ years. Even though they look great on the “ouside” they have brought me so much physical, financial and psychological hardship! Luckily, on the other hand, that has not been the case at the gyno (knock wood, throw salt over my shoulder, don’t cross the path of a black cat, stay away from ladders…..)
Surprising but true. I have to say I dislike the dentist much more than I dislike my visits to the gynecologist. I’ve just had so much trouble with my teeth for the past 20+ years. Even though they look great on the “ouside” they have brought me so much physical, financial and psychological hardship! Luckily, on the other hand, that has not been the case at the gyno (knock wood, throw salt over my shoulder, don’t cross the path of a black cat, stay away from ladders…..)
Love this beautifully written, er, exploration, Ann. My favorite part: “I nodded mutely, the taste of latex in my mouth.” Brings me right there with you, supine in that vulnerable–why do they call it chair? It’s more of a chaise lounge. But I’d rather be there than at the gynocologist. And yours does have a point about mammographers. A field that had to have been invented by docs without breasts. I mean, can you imagine making a guy hold his breath while you smash his most vulnerable body part under glass?
Love this beautifully written, er, exploration, Ann. My favorite part: “I nodded mutely, the taste of latex in my mouth.” Brings me right there with you, supine in that vulnerable–why do they call it chair? It’s more of a chaise lounge. But I’d rather be there than at the gynocologist. And yours does have a point about mammographers. A field that had to have been invented by docs without breasts. I mean, can you imagine making a guy hold his breath while you smash his most vulnerable body part under glass?
I just went to the dentist last week and jumped all over the hygienist when she said something like “you know, your xrays are long outdated” … ARGH. Just like you, Ann, I am on top of this toothcare thing and any new dentist I start with looks with awe and wonder at how well I’ve taken care of my mouth over these 40+ years. But it never is good enough. They want you to spend another $200 just to be sure or “just to have a baseline.” So – the irritation level is high with the dentist but the actual procedures don’t bother me that much. In the meantime – the other doctor we are discussing… her office is so nice and she is like a friend and so the appointment/time spent is pleasant, BUT for those specific 5 minutes.
I just went to the dentist last week and jumped all over the hygienist when she said something like “you know, your xrays are long outdated” … ARGH. Just like you, Ann, I am on top of this toothcare thing and any new dentist I start with looks with awe and wonder at how well I’ve taken care of my mouth over these 40+ years. But it never is good enough. They want you to spend another $200 just to be sure or “just to have a baseline.” So – the irritation level is high with the dentist but the actual procedures don’t bother me that much. In the meantime – the other doctor we are discussing… her office is so nice and she is like a friend and so the appointment/time spent is pleasant, BUT for those specific 5 minutes.
a little Twitter bird says it is your birthday. Happy birthday
a little Twitter bird says it is your birthday. Happy birthday
Dentist, definitely. Compare the duration of an ob/gyn exam to the endless forever of a root canal…
Dentist, definitely. Compare the duration of an ob/gyn exam to the endless forever of a root canal…
I never considered this debate before, but how timely as I have to make appointments for both this week.
I will dread the dentist more. My anxiety is greater and the pain inevitably is greater at the tooth man.
My other appointment, while unnerving, is rarely painful and done with a midwife that is like a second aunt to me.
Exposure in and of itself, remains awkward.
I never considered this debate before, but how timely as I have to make appointments for both this week.
I will dread the dentist more. My anxiety is greater and the pain inevitably is greater at the tooth man.
My other appointment, while unnerving, is rarely painful and done with a midwife that is like a second aunt to me.
Exposure in and of itself, remains awkward.
Ann,
First of all, HILARIOUS post.
I have had this discussion in my head many times, and I tell you I would rather get a mammogram or visit the GYN every week than go to the dentist once a year. I hate the pain, but worse, I hate the judging – the judging actually makes me avoid going. Also, its impossible to zone out – in a mamm or gyno visit – you can go somewhere else in your head – but not at the dentist, there is NO avoiding thinking about what they are doing in there.
Also funny – Jim Sutton in your comments links to the Straight Dope website – and I recognized the question about dentist suicide right away – my sister asked that question about ten years ago on that site – Terey Allen. How random is that
Keep making us laugh-
-Lisa
Ann,
First of all, HILARIOUS post.
I have had this discussion in my head many times, and I tell you I would rather get a mammogram or visit the GYN every week than go to the dentist once a year. I hate the pain, but worse, I hate the judging – the judging actually makes me avoid going. Also, its impossible to zone out – in a mamm or gyno visit – you can go somewhere else in your head – but not at the dentist, there is NO avoiding thinking about what they are doing in there.
Also funny – Jim Sutton in your comments links to the Straight Dope website – and I recognized the question about dentist suicide right away – my sister asked that question about ten years ago on that site – Terey Allen. How random is that
Keep making us laugh-
-Lisa
Prefer the dentist but always say I *might* be pregnant to avoid the x-rays…my dentist has caught on, though. If you write a book or blog about funny lines that women hear, please use these two from the gyno that always make me laugh, “Scoot down even more” and “relax.” The other funny line at the mammo appointment is always, “don’t move.” As if!
Prefer the dentist but always say I *might* be pregnant to avoid the x-rays…my dentist has caught on, though. If you write a book or blog about funny lines that women hear, please use these two from the gyno that always make me laugh, “Scoot down even more” and “relax.” The other funny line at the mammo appointment is always, “don’t move.” As if!
I must say that I admire women for all that ob-gyn stuff that they have to put up with. It’s something that a man will never know and we would probably mess it up if we had to go through it.
I must say that I admire women for all that ob-gyn stuff that they have to put up with. It’s something that a man will never know and we would probably mess it up if we had to go through it.
@Andrea Learned, I can’t help thinking that you’re on to something. And that something is that dental X-rays don’t seem to be all that necessary.
Unless they’re trying to make some sort of X-ray-based diagnosis, why in the Sam Hill do they need to keep doing them? To keep up the payments on the X-ray machine?
@Andrea Learned, I can’t help thinking that you’re on to something. And that something is that dental X-rays don’t seem to be all that necessary.
Unless they’re trying to make some sort of X-ray-based diagnosis, why in the Sam Hill do they need to keep doing them? To keep up the payments on the X-ray machine?
The doctor. Once a year! Yayy.
1 appointment with the dentist usually leads to a lot more!
The doctor. Once a year! Yayy.
1 appointment with the dentist usually leads to a lot more!
As I have undoubtedly the best dentist in the whole tri-state area, he wins, hands down. Painless, quick and hilarious. How I like all my dates. I mean, appointments with professionals. I’m a big weenie at the gyno’s office. That didn’t come out right…
As I have undoubtedly the best dentist in the whole tri-state area, he wins, hands down. Painless, quick and hilarious. How I like all my dates. I mean, appointments with professionals. I’m a big weenie at the gyno’s office. That didn’t come out right…
I go to dentist every 6 months. That's something I can't live without.
The doctors and dentists are both specialized in their fields and can't be compared. The doctors are trained in their own filed of diseases while the dentists takes care of the people teet and give them charming smile.
Sometimes going to visit to these practitioners is scary. They look like the ones in horror films. Good comparison though.
Sometimes going to visit to these practitioners is scary. They look like the ones in horror films. Good comparison though.
At least the mouth is a lot more decent than the other private area you were talking about. And with that, the dentist wins! Hahaha! More points? Which hurts more? Having dental implants put on you or a surgery on your you-know what? Well anyway, I’d still pick a dentist when you talk about granting access to private areas. Speaking of dentists, I have to visit one this weekend here in Las Vegas.
I would rather go to the dentist than the urologist in the matter of awkwardness. People often realize how important it is to have dentists around after some good visit. As long as there are bad set of teeth, there will always be dentists to take care of them. Everyone in the profession of examining sensitive and private parts of every patient deserves high respect, of course. Just imagining life without them makes me cringe. Hehe!
Why I like having the gyno better? She is in and out. Done within a few minutes. The oral cleaning takes 30 minutes and it sucks. Going to the dentist tomorrow. Ick.