My friend Maryse called me the other day with a question, she said, about her daughter Laurie-Maude, who is in the same grade as my daughter Caroline. It was Korea Day at school, she said, and Laurie-Maude wanted to dress as an Otter. “How do Otter’s dress?” Maryse wanted to know.
At least, that’s what I thought she said. Maryse is French Canadian, from Montreal, and it’s sometimes hard to understand certain words she says, particularly over the telephone. Nevertheless, that’s what I encoded: “Laurie-Maude wants to dress as an Otter for Korea Day.”
And as one part of my brain was struggling to decipher what else she might have meant, another part set to work trying to recall an otter: What does an otter look like? Is that the one with a flat tail? Or tiny front paws? Like a meerkat? Like a beaver?
Then it occurred to me: Why is Laurie-Made, who is Chinese by birth and both Canadian and American by nationality, honoring Korea Day… when my own daughter, who is not Korean, either, hasn’t breathed a word of it? And, further, what do otters have to do with Korea?
Wait a sec—the first sliver of light peeks over the horizon!—Maryse is asking about Career Day, not Korea Day! And Laurie-Maude doesn’t want to be an Otter, she wants to dress as an Author, because she is one of the best 10-year-old writers I know. The sun hangs full and buttery in the cloudless sky.
I grew up quiet and nervous, the youngest by far in an extended family with a wicked sense of humor and a tendency to unleash it on each other. As the smallest, I was at best the mascot of the family, the one cute and clueless and in the dark, as if I really did live inside a giant padded suit. At worst, my tendency to cry easily made me the natural butt of jokes. In truth, my collection of parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins could have easily been the most mild and benign unit that ever lived—although they weren’t—and I still would have been reserved and guarded. Some things just are.
As I grew older, I did my best to mask that extreme sensitivity in various ways, but friends—often inadvertently—poked at it regardless. So I spent much of my childhood embarrassed in one way or another. Sometimes, I understood exactly why the joke was on me, and sometimes I only suspected that it was—which was, in a way, worse. And sometimes I was embarrassed for no good reason at all, other than judging myself obtuse, simple-minded, imperceptive. A lifetime of feeling out of the loop will do that to you.
Which is why now, on the phone with Maryse, I’m suddenly embarrassed, and then I’m embarrassed that I’m embarrassed. And for whom? Not for her—because she has an easy laugh and an open nature. She doesn’t take herself—or her mistakes—too seriously, and she brushes it off whenever she butchers a word, or she asks plaintively, “How do you say it…?”
Instead, I’m embarrassed for myself, because of some perceived lacking, for an inability to understand what Maryse was actually saying. Because of my general inability to lighten up and laugh easily.
Later, I called Maryse back and told her jokingly, “You know what Laurie-Maude should carry? A fifth of scotch, or something else to take the edge off the pain. Writers lead miserable lives.”
She laughed with me and then said, “Well, I’ll do it and then blame it on you, because what do I know? I’m foreign!”
If only we could all laugh as such, inside our alien skin.
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You make me laugh out loud!
You make me laugh out loud!
As the mother of two Korean children, we celebrate Korea day at least twice a year on the anniversary of my children’s arrivals. I was preliminarily excited to learn that schools were catching on to our otherwise small family ritual celebration. We also often dress up, however it is more frequently in HanBoks than in otter suits, but we are open to whatever makes everyone feel comfortable and at home. I think we should nationalize “Korean Otter Day” to ensure that everyone feels “in the loop”, overcomes any tendency towards embarrassment, and works through miscommunications with hearty humor and a fifth of scotch. It all sounds good to me.
As the mother of two Korean children, we celebrate Korea day at least twice a year on the anniversary of my children’s arrivals. I was preliminarily excited to learn that schools were catching on to our otherwise small family ritual celebration. We also often dress up, however it is more frequently in HanBoks than in otter suits, but we are open to whatever makes everyone feel comfortable and at home. I think we should nationalize “Korean Otter Day” to ensure that everyone feels “in the loop”, overcomes any tendency towards embarrassment, and works through miscommunications with hearty humor and a fifth of scotch. It all sounds good to me.
Great story! I can so understand the misunderstanding as I’m familiar with French syllables and pronunciation – esp. when I sounded them out.
Great story! I can so understand the misunderstanding as I’m familiar with French syllables and pronunciation – esp. when I sounded them out.
I only wish Kinsey would follow in Caroline’s footsteps with aspirations to be a blogger. Right now? Her dream is dog grooming. Yeesh.
But at least it’s a LITTLE easier to dress up like a dog groomer on Career Day. A sloppy lesbian-ish gal in a pediatrician/nurse smock covered with poodle fur?
Don’t hate me. That’s what our schnauzer’s caretakers look like.
I only wish Kinsey would follow in Caroline’s footsteps with aspirations to be a blogger. Right now? Her dream is dog grooming. Yeesh.
But at least it’s a LITTLE easier to dress up like a dog groomer on Career Day. A sloppy lesbian-ish gal in a pediatrician/nurse smock covered with poodle fur?
Don’t hate me. That’s what our schnauzer’s caretakers look like.
Well Makund…
Ummmm… It’s like this you see…
Midwife eh?
Well… what you don’t know about Ann… And me of course…
She has been helping me give birth to my inner blog…
Well Makund…
Ummmm… It’s like this you see…
Midwife eh?
Well… what you don’t know about Ann… And me of course…
She has been helping me give birth to my inner blog…
When you are learning another language, you also learn to read the body language of people, and like Chelle, I also laughed when other people did. And when I made mistakes, I would find it funny and laugh at myself, which really helped to lessen the embarrassment.
This reminds me when I first came to the US as an exchange student, my host family they had this joke about two cars crossing the street and one of them ending up as a vegetable for the rest of its life, I thought it was strange, but funny that a car would turn into a veggie, and we would all laugh, especially when I told the joke. It wasn’t until years later when I learned that the joke was about two carrots, not two cars. Now that was embarrassing and funny. They thought I could not pronounce the word! Another opportunity to laugh at ourselves!
When you are learning another language, you also learn to read the body language of people, and like Chelle, I also laughed when other people did. And when I made mistakes, I would find it funny and laugh at myself, which really helped to lessen the embarrassment.
This reminds me when I first came to the US as an exchange student, my host family they had this joke about two cars crossing the street and one of them ending up as a vegetable for the rest of its life, I thought it was strange, but funny that a car would turn into a veggie, and we would all laugh, especially when I told the joke. It wasn’t until years later when I learned that the joke was about two carrots, not two cars. Now that was embarrassing and funny. They thought I could not pronounce the word! Another opportunity to laugh at ourselves!
For the record, this blog post is now the #1 search result on Google for “Korean Otters.” Sweet glory! Indeed a moment to celebrate — as getting to the top spot on Google isn’t an easy task, and the position is quite coveted. As Peter Kim noted, by taking #1, I have made many biologists very, very disappointed.
For the record, this blog post is now the #1 search result on Google for “Korean Otters.” Sweet glory! Indeed a moment to celebrate — as getting to the top spot on Google isn’t an easy task, and the position is quite coveted. As Peter Kim noted, by taking #1, I have made many biologists very, very disappointed.
That was just laugh out loud funny. I snorted. Thank you.
That was just laugh out loud funny. I snorted. Thank you.
I didn’t realize there were any Korean Otter biologists to disappoint?
xx
I didn’t realize there were any Korean Otter biologists to disappoint?
xx
Great post Ann. I’ve often wished that I was less sensitive to and aware of the opinions of others.
Unfortunately, it’s our ability to observe the human situation, to accurately perceive what others are feeling– both about us and about themselves– that makes us good writers. Those who lack that ability are often, it seems, able to press on without the embarrassment or self-consciousness that plagues so many of us.
To them, “Korean Otters” would (at best) be a funny joke that they’d retell at parties without the slightest tinge of embarrassment, or (equally likely) just something else that annoyed them about Maryse- it would be her fault, not theirs!)
You’ve obviously hit a nerve here though- I think I’m comment #35! Thanks so much.
Great post Ann. I’ve often wished that I was less sensitive to and aware of the opinions of others.
Unfortunately, it’s our ability to observe the human situation, to accurately perceive what others are feeling– both about us and about themselves– that makes us good writers. Those who lack that ability are often, it seems, able to press on without the embarrassment or self-consciousness that plagues so many of us.
To them, “Korean Otters” would (at best) be a funny joke that they’d retell at parties without the slightest tinge of embarrassment, or (equally likely) just something else that annoyed them about Maryse- it would be her fault, not theirs!)
You’ve obviously hit a nerve here though- I think I’m comment #35! Thanks so much.
utterly sweet, wonderful writing, Ann. thank you. I’m the opposite personality-wise, but sometimes I live my whole day wrapped in mondegreens – best relax and enjoy!
utterly sweet, wonderful writing, Ann. thank you. I’m the opposite personality-wise, but sometimes I live my whole day wrapped in mondegreens – best relax and enjoy!
I loved this post and having a 12 year old daughter (Emma) I can totally relate to all the school stuff. And being a shy 12 year old myself – totally relate to all the school stuff. :>)
When Emma was in 3rd grade I sent her to school dressed in her pajamas on Pajama day but as it turns out I was a week ahead as I had written it down wrong on the calendar, so she was the only one there that day wearing pajamas. bad mom.
I loved this post and having a 12 year old daughter (Emma) I can totally relate to all the school stuff. And being a shy 12 year old myself – totally relate to all the school stuff. :>)
When Emma was in 3rd grade I sent her to school dressed in her pajamas on Pajama day but as it turns out I was a week ahead as I had written it down wrong on the calendar, so she was the only one there that day wearing pajamas. bad mom.
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This entry really struck a chord with me. I grew up much the same way you did — sensitive, easily embarrassed, unsure of myself and timid.
I still deal with some of that today, which can be terribly infuriating as a 33-year-old mother of three. I am still waiting to outgrow that.
This entry really struck a chord with me. I grew up much the same way you did — sensitive, easily embarrassed, unsure of myself and timid.
I still deal with some of that today, which can be terribly infuriating as a 33-year-old mother of three. I am still waiting to outgrow that.
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