Comments on: The Shadow Knows: Watching Superbad with My Son http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/ Ann Handley writes about work, culture, parenting in stories and vignettes from everyday life. Tue, 27 Jul 2010 12:55:14 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.5 hourly 1 By: Cam Beck http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/comment-page-1/#comment-456 Cam Beck Tue, 08 Apr 2008 19:44:12 +0000 http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/#comment-456 Lately my son seems to be annoyed when I ask him how his day went or if he enjoyed a particular activity. Last week, after he asked me how my day went, I expounded on all my successes and failures of the day and how I would react to them in the future. Didn't take more than 15 minutes. I looked at him and said, "Avery, you just asked me how my day was, and I really told you everything about it that is worth knowing (funny that it only took 15 minutes, but that's another matter). When I ask you how your day went, I want to know just as much as I told you." He nodded and seemed to understand, but who really knows? He's almost 11, and I think I stopped hanging the moon in his eyes when he turned 9. Lately my son seems to be annoyed when I ask him how his day went or if he enjoyed a particular activity.

Last week, after he asked me how my day went, I expounded on all my successes and failures of the day and how I would react to them in the future. Didn’t take more than 15 minutes.

I looked at him and said, “Avery, you just asked me how my day was, and I really told you everything about it that is worth knowing (funny that it only took 15 minutes, but that’s another matter). When I ask you how your day went, I want to know just as much as I told you.”

He nodded and seemed to understand, but who really knows? He’s almost 11, and I think I stopped hanging the moon in his eyes when he turned 9.

]]> By: Julie http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/comment-page-1/#comment-455 Julie Mon, 07 Apr 2008 18:31:36 +0000 http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/#comment-455 Ann, my son on-demanded this movie, I haven't seen it yet. I asked him if it was funny and he said yes and then I asked if he would be too embarrassed to watch it with me and he said yes. I let it drop at that, but I'm still dying to see it. Borat is another cringe-inducer. By the way, I always loved Roger Kaputnik in Mad Magazine! Ann, my son on-demanded this movie, I haven’t seen it yet. I asked him if it was funny and he said yes and then I asked if he would be too embarrassed to watch it with me and he said yes. I let it drop at that, but I’m still dying to see it. Borat is another cringe-inducer. By the way, I always loved Roger Kaputnik in Mad Magazine!

]]> By: Ann Handley http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/comment-page-1/#comment-453 Ann Handley Sun, 06 Apr 2008 20:17:36 +0000 http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/#comment-453 Thanks for the comments, all. Funny how lots of similar scenarios here... either as the parent OR the child! Warren -- On Facebook, we avoid each other: like we're somehow -- impossibly -- at the same party. When I stumble on him -- which I have once or twice -- I always close the door quickly, like I accidentally walked in on him in the bathroom. p.s. Amy -- Your comment made me laugh out loud..... Thanks for the comments, all. Funny how lots of similar scenarios here… either as the parent OR the child!

Warren — On Facebook, we avoid each other: like we’re somehow — impossibly — at the same party. When I stumble on him — which I have once or twice — I always close the door quickly, like I accidentally walked in on him in the bathroom.

p.s. Amy — Your comment made me laugh out loud…..

]]> By: Amy http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/comment-page-1/#comment-452 Amy Sat, 05 Apr 2008 20:43:22 +0000 http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/#comment-452 I must say I always thought I would be the parent who would talk to her kids about anything at anytime. However, I think when we make these plans we think the issue will arrive when the timing is perfect and all the stars are in line. Then when it hits you from left field the opportunity for superparenting is gone before you have a chance to engage your well-prepared openness and liberal guidance skills. Like JUST THIS MORNING at my house (really) when my 8yo son said to me over breakfast, "I know what sex means." Now, there are so many proper responses to this statement: "What do you think it means?" "Where did you learn about this?" "How do you feel about it?" "Do you have any questions about it." Everyone one of these seems better than what instinctively came out of my mouth: "Well, don't tell your brother." I must say I always thought I would be the parent who would talk to her kids about anything at anytime. However, I think when we make these plans we think the issue will arrive when the timing is perfect and all the stars are in line. Then when it hits you from left field the opportunity for superparenting is gone before you have a chance to engage your well-prepared openness and liberal guidance skills. Like JUST THIS MORNING at my house (really) when my 8yo son said to me over breakfast, “I know what sex means.” Now, there are so many proper responses to this statement:
“What do you think it means?”
“Where did you learn about this?”
“How do you feel about it?”
“Do you have any questions about it.”
Everyone one of these seems better than what instinctively came out of my mouth:
“Well, don’t tell your brother.”

]]> By: David http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/comment-page-1/#comment-451 David Sat, 05 Apr 2008 18:04:52 +0000 http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/#comment-451 No kid, especially a young boy, wants to watch such things with their parent around. It's not that they have engaged with it necessarily, but rather because it is simply awkward. The best example would be a sex scene in a movie when your kid clearly hasn't engaged in such activities. There will be squirming. And its not because they are hiding anything from you. The question of "have you seen the movie" could be seen as prying -- he wasn't sure if it was OK to say yes or no, if there was a "right" answer. As for how to turn this into a conversation -- I wouldn't ever want to have this conversation with a parent. I was caught with a fake ID 3 months before my 21st brithday (trying to get into a 21 and up music venue to hear Todd Snider). But they instilled other values in me so I never used the ID for alcohol. So, the lessons occur much earlier than in the moment. No kid, especially a young boy, wants to watch such things with their parent around. It’s not that they have engaged with it necessarily, but rather because it is simply awkward. The best example would be a sex scene in a movie when your kid clearly hasn’t engaged in such activities. There will be squirming. And its not because they are hiding anything from you.

The question of “have you seen the movie” could be seen as prying — he wasn’t sure if it was OK to say yes or no, if there was a “right” answer.

As for how to turn this into a conversation — I wouldn’t ever want to have this conversation with a parent. I was caught with a fake ID 3 months before my 21st brithday (trying to get into a 21 and up music venue to hear Todd Snider). But they instilled other values in me so I never used the ID for alcohol. So, the lessons occur much earlier than in the moment.

]]> By: Christopher S. Penn http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/comment-page-1/#comment-450 Christopher S. Penn Sat, 05 Apr 2008 05:53:41 +0000 http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/#comment-450 True happiness? When you and your shadow are one. Not there yet. Little steps every day. True happiness?

When you and your shadow are one.

Not there yet. Little steps every day.

]]> By: Warren http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/comment-page-1/#comment-449 Warren Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:42:38 +0000 http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/#comment-449 Ann, another great one that really resonates with me. I often find myself in the same situation with my 15 year old daughter while we watch something totally inappropriate on MTV. And have you been accused of Facebook stalking, too? BTW, my favorite part of MAD magazine was the back cover that you would fold to reveal a very different, but related cartoon. Ann, another great one that really resonates with me. I often find myself in the same situation with my 15 year old daughter while we watch something totally inappropriate on MTV. And have you been accused of Facebook stalking, too?

BTW, my favorite part of MAD magazine was the back cover that you would fold to reveal a very different, but related cartoon.

]]> By: Ditto (Annie) http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/comment-page-1/#comment-448 Ditto (Annie) Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:33:05 +0000 http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/#comment-448 All I can say is... some things are better left in the shadows when it has to do with young boys. I always thought it was great that my son and I were able to talk about ANYTHING... until, yeah... let's just leave it at that. All I can say is… some things are better left in the shadows when it has to do with young boys.

I always thought it was great that my son and I were able to talk about ANYTHING… until, yeah… let’s just leave it at that.

]]> By: Bhupesh Shah http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/comment-page-1/#comment-447 Bhupesh Shah Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:14:13 +0000 http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/#comment-447 Whenever that happened to me, I would squirm but I think my Dad felt more awkward. He would clear his throat but not say anything. Needless to say, the channel would be flipped. Whenever that happened to me, I would squirm but I think my Dad felt more awkward. He would clear his throat but not say anything. Needless to say, the channel would be flipped.

]]> By: Jeff Sass http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/comment-page-1/#comment-446 Jeff Sass Fri, 04 Apr 2008 05:20:05 +0000 http://www.annhandley.com/2008/04/03/the-shadow-knows-watching-superbad-with-my-son/#comment-446 Nice! I have yet to see SUPERBAD, but I can certainly relate. As a single Dad with three Teens in the house (boys 19 and 17, daughter, 16) I have had more than my fair share of "shadow" moments. Most recently I walked in on my daughter watching MTV's Spring Break programming and I was shocked by the overt sexual content and context. I am far from a prude, and pretty open, fair-minded and trusting of my kids, and I have confidence in their ability to make their own decisions (and mistakes), but it is hard not to wonder how their views are colored by the elicit and explicit that is so readily available and accepted in our open digital world. I laughed as hard as anyone at the Jimmy Kimmel/Sara Silverman "I F'd Matt and Ben" videos, but I also took note at how many "names" were happy to blast the proverbial "F" word on TV for the sake of a joke (and attention). Who knows if it is good or bad... In either case, it puts the onus on us as parents to try to instill a mature perspective on things at earlier and earlier ages... MAD Magazine seems awfully innocent in comparison... Nice! I have yet to see SUPERBAD, but I can certainly relate. As a single Dad with three Teens in the house (boys 19 and 17, daughter, 16) I have had more than my fair share of “shadow” moments. Most recently I walked in on my daughter watching MTV’s Spring Break programming and I was shocked by the overt sexual content and context. I am far from a prude, and pretty open, fair-minded and trusting of my kids, and I have confidence in their ability to make their own decisions (and mistakes), but it is hard not to wonder how their views are colored by the elicit and explicit that is so readily available and accepted in our open digital world. I laughed as hard as anyone at the Jimmy Kimmel/Sara Silverman “I F’d Matt and Ben” videos, but I also took note at how many “names” were happy to blast the proverbial “F” word on TV for the sake of a joke (and attention). Who knows if it is good or bad… In either case, it puts the onus on us as parents to try to instill a mature perspective on things at earlier and earlier ages… MAD Magazine seems awfully innocent in comparison…

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